The Tree of DEATH.

Look at it ... standing there all self-righteous. HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT OUR LIVES/FAMILY GUY.
Also, I took this picture.  

Hey guyyyyyssss. So did we all survive THE RAPTURE FROM HELL? Or I guess it would be from heaven. Whatever. Well I know I did. Except the internet was out when I got back to my house. Which is basically like hell on Earth. Also, NASCAR was on. Which is also lik— wait … maybe … I, what … OH MY HOLY CRAP DID THE DEMONS RISE FROM BENEATH WHILST THE HEAVENS OPENED THEIR GLORIOUS BOUGHS TO THE BLESSED BE ON EARTH? … thus, um … disabling wi-fi? Perhaps.

Also, something important to note — when I say that I “went back to my house,” that is indeed because we are living at our house no longer. “Why is this so?,” you may ponder. WELL, PONDER NO LONGER. It’s because this freakin’ tree fell on our house like, 2 months ago. I KNOW RIGHT??

Here is the story.

So, there we were (mom, dad, sister, self) sitting on the couch watching Family Guy when ALL OF A SUDDEN the microwave goes off. AND THEN … my dad got up to go check on the banana bread. Oh and then the tree fell on our house. All’s I remember is feeling something super heavy hit me in the face/arm. Now, I say, face/arm because at that particular moment in time, my face and arm existed as one entity as my superhuman reflexes forced me to cover my moneymaker with every limb I had available … which was three at the time seeing as one of my legs had fallen asleep moments before.

Now my sister on the other hand got hit square in the face. When I looked over at her seconds after performing “essential body parts roll-call” on myself, I noticed that her glasses had been pushed into her nose as there was a decent amount of blood streaming forth from … well, um … the top of her nose.

My mom was cool though. Also, my dad was still in the kitchen baking. He later disclosed that he thought it was something on the TV to which I rhetorically asked what exact episode of Family Guy he thought we were watching.

Also, our cats didn’t come upstairs for like, two weeks.

So yeah, that’s the story. And now we live in a hotel in Folsom until our house is fixed in like, two months. Oh and the hole in our ceiling sort of looks like genitalia. 

RIGHT?! --->