Tuesday, September 21, 2010

In the Land of GIANTS

The exact amount of people that apply for every journalism job I have applied for since I graduated ... it's either that or I have a giant "DO NOT CALL ME BACK" watermark on my resume ... moving on.

SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED. It’s actually going to blow your mind right out of your socks … so hold onto those.

First, it’s over the hill and through the woods to San Francisco we go. Ya, I went to the bay area again — what of it. Anyways, I met up with some Pepperdine friends who included one of my college roommates from last year (whose name also happens to be Ashley … so she’s obviously great) and Zach who had just returned from his temporary position as a bartender in Chicken, Alaska.

As we embraced at the mass transit station somewhere between the bowels of Oakland and the epic Giants game we had gotten the cheapest possible tickets for — I realized how great it was to be in the arms of people who understood the 43 different quarter-life crises I go through on a day-to-day basis. They too looked tired, they too looked confused, and they too looked like they had also been wondering why they spent so much on a college education that only added debt to their youthful lives. I’m just kidding. College is totally important.

Anyways, after using our higher-educated minds to figure out the ticket machine, we plopped down on the bus and began the necessary catching up questions that always seem to severely put your life into a focus so sharp that it’s painful.  Zach is planning his trip to India, Ashley is getting weird job-offer phone calls from a company that doesn’t actually exist, and then there’s me. Applying for grad schools and looking into being a snow reporter for Sierra at Tahoe — a ski resort that’s not too far from my house.

Yeah, you read right — a SNOW reporter. What duties does that entail you ask? Well … a lot.  I would be responsible for reporting conditions on the mountain and finding leads for possible stories I could write. So it’s awesome basically. PLUS, I get to snowboard for free and I get free lessons and stuff. Not that I need free lessons. I’m just not really like … Olympic material. Example: the last time I went snowboarding I fell off the ski lift at the top of the mountain and when I went to get up, the next chair hit me in the back of the head. Thank god the ski lift operator took a break from hitting his bong long enough to look up and notice that there was a strange woman face down in the snow, appendages fully spread. By the way, it’s only alleged that he was high. But he was allegedly REALLY high. Oh and that was in Denver, Colorado when it was 7 degrees outside — and that is not alleged.

After Zach, Ashley, and I made it to AT&T Park in all of it’s drunken mob glory, we began our ascent to the seats made for the poorest of the poor — the viewing deck of left field.

This game however, was no ordinary game — it was against the DODGERS … of Los Angeles. And I’ve gotta say, there was something therapeutic about screaming “BEAT LA” in harmony with 2938752086528 other people from my home region (ß- that’s an exact count).  It really felt like we were all sticking to the man … or in this case the land we all three had called home only 4 months ago. A land that turns women into wafers and men into people that are attracted to wafers.

And we crushed them — we seriously beat them 10 to 2. And we even got to see a Dodgers’ fan get thrown out of the game for trying to ignite fury among an entire section of wasted Giants’ fanatics. Like, there’s being a badass and then there’s just being stupid.

After the game we made the mile-long walk back to the BART station and listened to Zach’s stories from the land of Sarah Palin while trying to block out the drunken, triumphant screams from the San Francisco fans that had flooded the streets.

After we made it back to Ashley’s house, which was only a short drive from the station, we did probably the best thing to do for anyone who is trying to remain fit and trim — we ate an entire pizza at 1 am and stayed up talking until 5. We got it all out at least — frustrations with the job market, frustrations with life, and which on-screen roles really helped Leonardo DiCaprio become a household name. Was it Gilbert Grape or Titanic? … All important things.

And now I’m back in black. And my 23rd birthday is coming up. Which can only mean one thing … 2 more years until I can rent a car! Wow … nine years after I get my drivers license and I finally feel like I’m really capable of driving a car that’s not my own. But don’t worry Enterprise — I know that with great power comes great responsibility.

But seriously, they really should think about lowering that age — like, now. Because I’m thinking about going down to Disneyland for my birthday and just WHAT am I going to do if my car craps out? Not a darn thing that’s what.

I mean, I’m going with friends so I could probably just … borrow one of theirs. Whatever. 

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Nineteen and Eighty-Four

Just like, moving Mt. Shasta/mountains in general. Not a big deal.

So sorry I haven’t posted in a bit. It’s not that I don’t love all 18 of you it’s just that I have recently discovered the majestic majesty that is the book, 1984. Like, HOLY CRAP. I haven’t been this obsessed with a book since … um … the first Twilight novel. I KNOW OK. I liked it. I mean, it was terrible but I liked it. I didn’t like the other three though — so don’t un-follow me. Ok great.

Anyways, it’s amazing. But I’m super political so that might explain my obsession.

So this is what I’ve been up to. A couple weeks ago I went with my mama up to the ol’ end of the trail itself, Oregon, to visit the ol’ 80 somethin matriarch herself — my grandma (there were a lot of ol’s in that sentence) — and she’s doing just great up there in her new assisted living home. Of course the first thing I asked her upon our arrival was if she had met any potential soul mates since she had made her debut to which she just smiled and said, “Well there’s this one man … but he’s been married three times.”

I suppose I had an I-don’t-see-the-problem look on my face because she continued with, “so he’s real petty.”

And while to the layman that may sound like he is a shallow and materialistic person, according to my grandma that directly translates to “he likes to pet people.” Which I guess means he’s touchy feely … gasp. But it’s like, he’s 85. What’s he going to do? … Don’t answer that.

Some other highlights from the weekend included, but are not limited to: driving back from Wal-Mart and thinking I was making a brilliant observation by breaking the silence with: “Do you guys understand that there are currently three generations of awesome in this car right now? Well four. I guess this would be a good time to tell you I’m pregnant.” And driving through Weed, CA on our way back home and hearing my mom say: “I’ll get a shirt that says 'I Love Weed' if you will.”

By the way, I’m totally not pregnant. And my mom made the cannabis comment completely unprovoked.

And so we returned to our little gold-mining town tucked away in a landscape that is both beautiful and yet seems to proclaim, “I have completely given up on my life goals.” A contradiction of sorts.

But alas, 1984 has inspired me not to succumb to the life/time vacuum that is Placerville. As I was driving around yesterday looking for “just for now” jobs I drove past a store that advertised a need for campaign volunteers for a particular political party I associate myself with and I quickly wrote down the number. I will call them tomorrow — Monday, the first day of the business week, and make it known that I wish to be of service. AND I WILL BLOW EL DORADO COUNTY/CALIFORNIA/WASHINGTON/AMERICA/THE WORLD AWAY WITH MY POLITICAL PROWESS. But they’ll probably just have me hand out some pamphlets. BUT THOSE PAMPHLETS WILL CHANGE THE COURSE OF HISTORY. Hopefully.

And my sister turns 19 tomorrow.


I try to give her a little advice on her birthday every year seeing as she’s young and retarded and I’m like, so much older and wiser. But I have no idea what to say. I guess I’ll just go with the usual “don’t do drugs and other things of that nature,” card. I mean its worked so far. Kind of. No it totally has.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

A Video of Sorts ... well not of sorts. It's a video.

So this is me and my sister. We don't like Justin Bieber — and let's face facts ... M. Night Shyamalan's new movie "Devil," has been begging someone to make fun of it since it's preview graced movie theaters everywhere ... so here it is.